The Summer of Love. The Summer of Manhood. Both? Neither?

June 1970: it was a big, big year.
             "A Rite of Passage"







I was finally graduating from Saint Mark's grammar school and would become a man.

Well, maybe not a man, but I would begin a new life as a Freshman at Saint Monica's High School.



This sacred rite of passage, however, seemed to be lost on me. The other normal kids in my class seemed to know things. They knew about love and sex and English grammar. The knew about the three branches of our American government, how to spell and lots of stuff about God and Jesus and Mary and Joseph and also stuff about science.

   Me?  Uh-uh!

I had been too busy running for my life, dodging needle-tipped arrows, digging myself out of pits, surviving electrocutions, fighting off ambushes by the "Angry-Little-Man-Crew," pushing our fleet of broken down cars from one side of the street to the other, not to mention the psychological torture of the Catholic nuns at Saint Marks, and most recently, the bullying and physical torture of the "Wolf-Pack" hippie clan that repeatedly threw me over the cliffs in Malibu - TO ACTUALLY LEARN ANYTHING.

I was okay at math - accepted into the "Zero Period" advanced math program at Saint Monica's, but other than that I barely knew the difference between a noun and a verb. I was so preoccupied with ducking every time one of the kids in my class raised a hand - thinking I was going to be belted in the head - that I didn't have sufficient brain synapse to learn a blinking thing.

Why, I was so ignorant that I hardly knew where babies came from. 







It seemed my only "rite of passage" was the fact that I finally outgrew my dad's frugal invention of the infamous sugar-water, gel-concoction that attracted the mosquitoes to California.





I graduated from the hard shell helmet-look to the  dry-look with my long bangs as a junior-hippy.


The girls in my 8th grade class seemed to like my golden locks and began doting on me - you would think this was good... right?  Well, I don't think it had anything to do with any sort of romantic inclination. At our graduation party at Mike Dunagan's house the girls sat me on their lap and combed my hair as if they were 8-year-olds (in touch with there mothering instincts) playing with me like I was a doll. 

I didn't put up a fuss. It made me feel good. I enjoyed actual human contact and physical touch that didn't leave bruise marks or some kind of road rash. Though it wasn't love (other than Irene), this was the closest thing I had come to making contact with what might have looked like love.

I sat on the front steps of our Venice house, watched the world go by and surveyed the landscape - trying to take it all in.

I think the Lennons knew what love was.


I think the Blasers knew what love was.


I think the Tripps knew what love was.





My friends next door and across the street... surely Tommy and Jeffry and Joey and Ricky knew... right?







The girls in my class knew. Marilyn and Theresa and Andrea - they had to know... didn't they?











There was a normal family behind us - across the ally - the Arnolds - they knew. Right?


 (Photo courtesy of Cheryl Arnold - Miss Venice, Miss Santa Monica, and Miss LA)






So what is wrong with me? COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME! I wanted to believe that what I felt for Andrea was love, but was so insecure that I couldn't utter one coherent word in her presence.

I was either retarded, like my brothers said, or I was damaged goods.  I began to wonder if I was even capable of something so grand a notion as love?

Numb! An Island! A Rock!  I had spent considerable time building a wall around my heart to protect myself - afraid of becoming vulnerable and afraid that only by being vulnerable could I know what love truly is.  "In case I need it when I get older."



Do I just blurt it out! Do I tell Andrea that I love her?  We didn't use the word in our family and I couldn't get the "L Word" past my lips.  Andrea, please, read between the lines.


I've traveled so far... I wanna know what love is. Please someone show me.



Do I let down my guard and trust my brothers? Maybe, one small steps at a time!  Take a little time and think things over. I have this mountain I have to climb.

Tomorrow, we are going to set out for another great adventure. It's always a great adventure when my family goes camping.

As usual we will cram a hundred bodies into our Ford station wagon and drive up the coast to visit our neighbor, Roger Sasson's, new property up by the Russian River.

I'm sure that I'll be perfectly safe and nothing will go wrong.... NEXT TIME "Russian River, The Man Hunt, Elephant Man and The Plague"    

Werewolf II: Terry, Don't mess with youngest member of the Wolf Pack!

(Continued) 


The cool kids in our seventh grade class rarely ever picked Harry for kickball. He was tall and lanky and a little slow and I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for stray dogs, for big fat Pinky (who was now living with us), and for anyone I felt was an underdog! 

Go figure! With a hundred older brothers and nine hundred of their friends who all tortured the baby brother - that's me - I thought it was my job in life to protect the "least of these" and to stand up for widows and orphans. You would think that when I dished out Terry's punishment the Nuns at Saint Marks would have been happy with my cause - especially since it had to do with justice and caring for a "slow" kid in class. 

No.  As it turned out, they weren't happy at all! 

As a matter of fact Sister Schultz, who was built like a NFL linesman and outweighed me by 200 pounds, put me in a headlock and I figured that Jesus wouldn't be happy with me if I took her down like I did Mike "Curtzy" back in the fifth grade (Post 6/29/13). I fell on the ground and pretended to pass-out hoping they would send me home.  No such luck!  I would have to go in and smell the sweaty aftermath of recess. 

Here's what happened. I could have cashed-in on the "bloody-knuckles thing" and get a higher pick for one of the kickball teams now that my approval rating was at an all time high, but I chose instead to do the ridiculous helicopter thing with Harry since he was left out again. He wasn't just picked last, he wasn't picked at all. Don't ask me how I did it, but I even managed to recruit Ralph to the silly nonsense that was making Harry so happy. 

Terry was one of the big kids and I'm sure he had hair coming in under his armpits. You could always tell when that was happening, because these guys were the ones who smelled like a garbage truck after recess. It was the same with eight grade boys too...they were plagued with this thing called puberty, but hadn't learned to take showers yet - like the high school boys had, so our end of the hall at Saint Marks always smelled like the rotting carcass of a dead cow that had been left in the sun too long. 

Terry was upset because I had stolen Ralph away from his team and Ralph could kick the ball over the church roof. Anyway, Dino had a mean kick and sailed the ball out-of-bounds over mean 'O Mr. Schneider's fence (who lived on the other side of the chain-link on Garfield), which meant that the kickball game was over.  Now Terry, was not only one of the big kids - I'd say in the top three, but was probably the brightest among the tallest and he like to let every know how smart he was.

Because he was upset that his team lost without Ralph he came over and began making fun of us twirlers. I was okay with it, it didn't bother me or Ralph that much, but when he started calling Harry hurtful names - THAT WAS IT, the hair on the back of my neck stood up.  I had been attacked by a rooster, whacked by a Nun, and totally humiliated in front of all the girls. This was not the day to sweat and stink and have hair under your arms or be too tall and pretend to be too smart and pick on the underdog -"slow Harry." 

I had to use restraint. I didn't want to just jump on his head and take him down. I had to think of a way to show how stupid he was at the same time. You know, like, cut him down a notch or two in his own eyes. 

Epiphany! The idea came to me. I asked Terry if he had ever taken the "Viking-Neck-Strength-Test?" (say that three times fast). I felt if Terry was too stupid to fall for it then he double deserved it. I told him we did this at home all the time and then proceeded to show him how to do it. I stood in front of the concrete wall and let Ralph demonstrate on me. He pretended to pull really hard and I pretended to fight back the best I could. I said the object was to see how far he could pull my head away and we would measure the distance and see who had the stronger neck muscles. The bet was on and all the boys gathered around for the Viking challenge. Since Ralph had just demonstrated on me, I "let" Terry try his strength test first. (Grin) 

You know that story in the Bible about wolf in sheep's clothing... well... I smiled on the outside as the inner werewolf went to work. I pulled Terry's head...the kids cheered.. he really thought he was something - UNTIL...

Until I had planted my feet against the wall and had his head out from the concrete wall some four inches and LET IT GO! 

"Whack" Cracked his recoiling head against the wall that sounded like a watermelon that had been dropped from the top of our three story house. 

Bam  Went Terry's limp body to the ground. 

I stood over the top of Terry in a symbolic jester of victory, foot on his chest, raised my hand and said, "Yeah! Who's smart now..Huh?" and called him one of the names he had insulted Harry with. Applause from the smelly 12 and 13-year-olds, prompted me to go into my "Wicked Witch" routine, "I'm melting...Good bye cruel world!" Laughter! 

Then  thud... I was on the ground, tackled by a 290 pound female linebacker dressed in black in white in a police choke-hold. She thought I killed Terry, but I knew he was only unconscious and would wake up momentarily seeing stars. 

I decided not to take out the Nun, because she was Jesus' wife and knew that it wouldn't have bode so well for all the Purgatory time I already had coming, but Terry? He DESERVED IT!  Poor...poor...Terry! 

Sister Schultz pinched my ear, dragged me inside and made me sit next to her desk for the rest of the day in front of the entire eight grade class to give Sister Edith a break.  "Yuck!" Those guys smelled worst than seventh graders. I sat there and stared down David Smith for the rest of the day and only managed to heave twice.  

                      It was a good day after all!  

"In a city known as Venice, there's a grand old school
Pledged to God and to our country, hail all hail to you.


Joyous days. Happy Days. Spent with in our hearts. 
Hail to you, our Alma Mater. Hail, all Hail Saint Marks!" 

P.S. Alma Mater.. means pregnant mother or something like that in Latin.        
 

"Thar She Blows!" With the Dahlins - Fact is stranger than Fiction!

The 'O Johnson outboard motor quit and we were doomed to a violent death. Every time one of the huge swells picked up our little boat it tossed us closer and closer to the rocks of the Marina breakwater. I think that the corbina on the end of the Karl's fishing line was so afraid that of the angry seas that it leaped right into our 16' leaky boat. Karl handed me the pole and grabbed the pull-starter rope and began pulling with the might of a Viking sea warrior!  10 times! 20 times! 30 times!  Karl pulled that rope as the motor only gave one hopeful cough to tease us with hope!    

WE WERE GOING TO DIE!


Just then we saw a Coast Guard boat head out of the Jetty!
WE were SAVED!

We yelled and screamed and waved our arms and begged for rescue. Patrick climbed out from under the front where he had strapped himself to the only two life preservers on board and joined in the frantic plea for help. Again, gravity pulled us quickly down the backside of the last swell and were swallowed from visibility in the trough as though we had totally disappeared off the face of the earth.  

CRASH went our small boat at the bottom as if being immersed in baptism.

Patrick was flung from the bow like a missile launched from Cape Canaveral and Karl reached up and snagged "Gherhing the Great" by the foot and reeled him in to safety - if that's what you can call it.

As we ascended to the top of the next swell, not only did we get closer to the hungry rocks, but we saw the backside of the Coast Guard Cutter speeding away in the direction of the Venice Pier.

By my estimation, I figured that we had two more swells until we would be crushed against the rocks - pulverized into oblivion as if a block of cheese with a cheese-grater.

King Triton must have been angry with us...or God maybe, for throwing up on a Priest at church. This might have been my fault! I didn't dare tell the other guys!

 Karl must have pulled that rope a thousand more times. NOTHING

It was time!  It was time for Sister Edith's prayer! Patrick had climbed under the hull again and resigned himself to death. I didn't have the heart to tell the poor guy that our life preservers were so old and used that by now the vinyl compartments leaked and sucked in water which turned the orange things into nothing more than lead weights - sea anchors. I was certain Pat would be the first to meet 'O Davy Jones!

Here goes..."Oh dear Lord, I love you and am sorry for my sins." This was not a prayer to Saint Anthony - the Patron Saint of "Lost Causes" - No, this was a prayer of giving up all hope and that God would spare us a little time in Purgatory!



Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale.
A tale of a fateful trip
that started from Harding Avenue
Aboard this tiny ship

Patrick fancied he was a sailin' man
The Skipper brave and sure
The three of us set sail that day
for a Three hour tour
a three hour tour...

The weather started getting rough
the leaky boat was tossed...
all for the sake of a couple fish
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost

 "THAR SHE BLOWS"  This next part of the story doesn't happen in real life - only in stories - so you'd think!

We mistakenly thought everything up to this point was bad - HA! But it continued to go from very, very, very, very bad to much, much worse!

You can sign up for a "whale watching" cruise from the Marina Del Rey with absolutely no guarantee what-so-ever that you'll even see a whale! And when you do, they seem so peaceful as if they enjoy sharing the ocean with other inhabitants of the world.

 "Look mom" some kid shouts "Look.. a whale" and some other stupid kid says "Thar she blows" trying to be funny and the people aboard grab their Instamatic Cameras - exclaim "ooh and ahhs" and furiously snaps pictures of the majestic peaceful creatures.

That's how it's supposed to happen, Not here... not this time. Not when King Triton is angry at you for some unknown reason.

The weather was already getting rough
the leaky boat was tossed...
all for the sake of a stupid fish
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow, the corbina, the Johnson, Patrick, Markie d and Karl would be lost.


Don't ask me why the dumb whale was so angry - woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess or it was following Triton's order to kill us. When upset, those large docile animals have a force not to be reckoned with. This thing came right at us! It charge us and rammed into the side of our pathetic little craft. Karl picked up a paddle and tried to hit the thing, thinking he could scare it off - you know - like punching a shark in the nose.   Uh...Uh!

"Oh Captain, my captain!"

I got a paddle out and was thinking I could use it to keep us off of the rocks - even though I thought Patrick, with his life-preservers, might make a better a buttress against our imminent appointment with death - if I were to strap him to the side of the boat like a human-sized dock-buoy.

The massive sea creature came back again -  this time underneath the boat and flicked up into the air with its mighty tail, like we were nothing more than a toy to be played with.

Over and over again we battled - oars swinging - swatting whale blubber - and Karl cursing at the beast!
Another swell -  another ramming! The USS Minnow would be lost.



An hour later Mrs D. got the call from the Coast Guard! A small blue and white boat was found split in two and no survivors were found.

Everyone on Harding Avenue heard the news - some cried - but not all.

As for the hippies - well, they retreated to the hippy enclave in the ivy hangout behind our house known as "Wall Drug" and toked on the leaves from the "Mexican Tomato plants" in mournful remembrance of their comrade The Great and Mighty Fisherman, Karl Dahlin and also talked kindly about his peanut sized minions who had drowned at sea.

Karl Dahlin and a Whale of a Terrifying Tale

(Continued from last time)
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale.
A tale of a fateful trip
that started from Harding Avenue
Aboard this tiny ship

Patrick fancied he was a sailin' man
The Skipper brave and sure
The three of us set sail that day
for a Three hour tour
a three hour tour...

The weather started getting rough
the leaky boat was tossed...
all for the sake of a couple fish
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost

The swells had gotten so big that the little motor couldn't even push the boat up what seems like an uphill climb at a 45 degree angle, and I didn't know if we were moving forward or whether we were actually going backwards. Every time we crested the top of the swell we sped downhill like a skier shooting out of the gates of a slalom run at the winter Olympics. Down we sped into a 30 foot trough - assisted by gravity - motor revving into a crash course with a mass of water that begged to swallow us at the bottom.  I held on to the throttle arm of the sputtering motor as Patrick bailed while Karl was busy pressing the gooey Velveeta cheese on to his fish hook, totally oblivious to the fact that we were all going to die!


We plowed into the bottom as the nose of the boat buried itself into the dark water that crashed over the front.  Karl cast his line and told me to head towards the Venice Pier and barked out orders for Patrick to bail faster as we were ankle deep in water and things were beginning to float in the bottom of boat. Heck, I was beginning to think that a fisherman would be happy to hook a prize fish and be dragged away to a sea burial. Unable to keep up with the leaks and the water that kept crashing over the front, Patrick was beginning to get scared and I in particular did not care how many fish we caught - this was not the way I wanted to die!

The swells, the wind and the current was moving south against us and we were not making any progress. In fear of over using it, I didn't say Sister Edith's "death prayer" yet. I only prayed that the motor would continue to run and that Karl would catch something soon so that we could head back into the safety of the Marina Del Rey Harbor. The optimistic fisherman didn't seem to care about the fact that water in the bottom of the boat had been inching higher and that Patrick was crying and under the front bow screaming Sister Edith's prayer every time the USS Minnow crashed into the bottom of trough between swells. Karl fished, I furiously bailed with one hand as I held onto the throttle arm of struggling old Johnson 35.

The wind and the seas continued to blow against us until we realized that we had hadn't made any forward progress at all...only pushed back between the angry sea and the breakwater... (this is the part of the story where you hear the lady on Psycho scream in terror)... we had to keep the boat pointed directly out to the open sea, just to keep our distance from the gnashing teeth of the breakwater rocks that had eaten a boat or two.

Then it happened (this is the part in the story where you hear the Psycho sound effects of the screeching death knife) - The 'O Johnson motor just up and quit and gave up the ghost.

We were now being pushed dangerously back towards the rocks by the fury of the relentless storm.

Doom, Doom, Doom!  Why weren't we in the Blaser's boat? Why were we here in the first place?

Gherhing the Great, me and the Fisherman were all going to die. Karl had a feisty corbina on the line and he wasn't about to be distracted by something so trivial as death.  We were going to die!



Good bye Tommy, Good bye mom and dad,

Good bye Saint Mark's friends,

Good Bye Frank Nargie










Good bye Ricky Tripp...


...and Dennis Dugan and Jeffry Lennon, and Kippy and all baby brothers


 Good by Lennons - on Harding

and Lennons on Superior Ave 

Good Bye Wolf Pack -

Good bye Monster under my bed...

Good Bye Alligator
Good Bye Monkey
Good Bye foul-mouthed Mynah bird
Good Bye Snakes, lizards, Veloci-Raptor, and Iguana Del Diablo

Good bye Harding Avenue...











...And - Good bye future me...

I'll see you all at the bottom of Davy Jones Locker.

Du...du....du...Just When you think things couldn't get any worse...



 

Karl Dahlin, the FISHERMAN and his "mighty" crew

I think being a fisherman is something that is definitely one of those "Nature or Nurture" arguments. My Dad, Carl R. Dahlin, loved to fish and took us all the time.

Pictured (right is) Kurt and Karin, Karl showing off all the fish he caught limit and me-his fishing-pole caddy.

We practically grew up with a fishing pole in our hands. We went fishing at the Kings River, at Salton Sea, off of the Redondo Beach Pier, the Santa Monica Pier and the Venice pier.  We caught corbina and bonita, bass and trout, and mackerel and halibut and albacore, however, it just didn't take in my case. Don't get me wrong, I liked being with dad and the gang of brothers...but fishing just took too long and required a lot of patience. I was diagnosed with sever hyperactivity and just couldn't sit still that long (if you don't believe me, ask Sister Godzilla or Sister Edith - they'll tell you). Karl on the other hand...I think he probably came out of my momma's belly holding a fishing pole (that's why the prank on the little old lady next door was so appropriate - post 5/9/2013). He loved to fish; it was something that couldn't be nurtured in me, but was definitely part of his "nature." He was hooked (that was a pun if you didn't catch it - and so was that - I'll stop already).

Pictured left (Erick, me and Tommy)







Here we all are below in that old boat back in 1961 that I was telling you about... "Just look at it!" It was practically decrepit 8 years ago already... and now it sat in our front yard under the palm tree, collecting dates and breading mosquitoes in the green rain water that was slowly rotting the floor boards.

By this time in 1969, Karl had painted the boat, but it didn't mean that it was any more sea-worthy, just because it had a fresh coat of blue paint... Pshaw - sea worthiness never stopped a fisherman - did it? the motto was, "just get a bigger bucket for bailing!"






































Karl took that old '59 Johnson, 35 horsepower outboard motor and had it strapped inside a trashcan filled with water right at the bottom of the front stairs (outside - just in case you thought I was talking about having the motor in the living room or something - but don't put that past us either).

He wrestled with that motor for two months...as a plume of blue smoke filled Harding Avenue choking the neighbors who smelled the foul fumes of the old gas-mixture from the ancient machine that roared above everyone in the neighborhood who had to scream above the tired old motor as it revved and sputtered and coughed and shot water from the vibrating trashcan...while Gherhing the Great and I (still in our Giant uniforms) stood by soaking wet with wrenches in our hands like operating room assistants as Karl worked his magic and performed surgery on the tired old motor.

This hopeful optimism on for some time swapping pieces from older motors in the backyard, until one Saturday after operating all day on the thing at about 2:00 in the afternoon, Karl finally managed to keep the old motor running in the trashcan for an entire 32 minutes.  Success! IT's ALIVE!  (I wouldn't call 32 minutes a huge success, but the Fisherman was convinced that he had raised the motor from the dead).  We're still trying to land a man on the moon- could you image if they put fishermen in charge of the Apollo moon program - "Ah the thing leaks...who cares.. it'll make it"  "Ah, so the engines sputter and worked for a couple minutes - who gives a rip, let's send the guys up there and see what's happens!"  Sometimes optimism needs a reality check - but not with fisherman - the dream is the only thing that matters.

Nothing was going to keep Karl away from his dream - not a leaky boat nor a motor that coughed for 32 measly minutes.  Erick or Kurt must not have been around and Karl needed deck hands for the USS MINNOW and to my dismay Patrick jumped at the chance. I couldn't let Patrick show me up, so I signed up as crew for the "THREE HOUR TOUR...The three hour tour!"

True to the Gilligan Island Story (that was on TV every week), it was getting late and the sky's were getting dark.. but that did not deter, Karl our Skipper, who was brave and sure. The way I played things out  in my head was that there was no way this thing could have a good ending!

We lugged the motor over to the old boat, strapped it onto the transom and headed out to the Marina Del Rey where we "cheated the man" by putting two quarters into the gate at the launch ramp - for the car only side, and, with a running start, sped through the gate barely clearing the arm as it swung down almost clipping the motor we worked so hard to fix - worked every time!

Karl must have pulled the rope on that rebellious motor a million times... (I prayed it wouldn't start) and Patrick was already bailing as  the boat was still tied to the dock. The dark skies, the increasing wind, the leaky boat and an untrustworthy motor; nothing about what we were doing made any sense to a rational human being - unless of course, you had the "Fisherman Sickness"   Patrick was oblivious to the fact that I had cheated death already more times than Karl's cat - LAZARUS and I didn't know how many more lives I was entitled to.

It got later and unfortunately for me, the motor sputtered and coughed and came to life.  Ughhhhhhh! At this moment there was no one happier in the universe, than my brother the Fisherman! Oh yeah, Karl couldn't wait to set his hook in the mouth of some stinky-smelly bonita that I would have to clean when we got home.

Believe it or not, that little 35 horsepower motor got us past the breakwater Into a headwind that was picking up intensity and as the sun hid behind the darkening clouds.  The swells got so big that whitewater began crashing over the breakwater sea wall. Pat thought it was fun...I don't think he had a clue... No phone, no lights, no motor car - not a single luxury...

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale.
A tale of a fateful trip
that started from Harding Avenue
Aboard this tiny ship

Patrick fancied he was a sailin' man
The Skipper brave and sure
The three of us set sail that day
for a Three hour tour
a three hour tour...

The weather started getting rough
the leaky boat was tossed...
all for the sake of a couple fish
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost

so join me back here again my friends..
you're sure to get a smile
From a FISHERMAN and his fearful crew
here on Markie D isle

Next time... the whale... the motor... the storm and the prayer... AND IT'S ALL TRUE!

Invention of the "REVERSE MOHAWK"

This next story happened on the same Sunday that Jeff snorted cups-full of gangling, thick-green boogers at the altar which activated my Super-Powers in a volcanic eruption of  vomit that ended up all over Ricky and on the feet of the Priest and over the front of Saint Mark's Church - but thankfully missing Jesus who was being help up high over the head of Father Bond in the form of the consecrated Eucharist.

Ulrich had decided that shaming my family in front of the entire Catholic Universe and almost being excommunicated...used as bad example in a sermon homily, having to say a quadrillion "Our Fathers" and put on Altar Boy Suspension - apparently wasn't enough punishment for me. He had other plans in store, but I guess God must have seen things differently.

We had move up from the old handheld can opener to a wall mount, not because we were "keeping up with the Jones" which happened to be the Blasers next door - but because if something wasn't screwed down in our house you just couldn't find it.  Many a Thursday "basketti night" (spaghetti night) ended up as hamburger helper without the hamburger with all kinds of leftovers and some of expired food Frank Nargie brought home from the Safeway Food-Bank (and occasional dumpster) all tossed in and missed into a meatless "Helper Goulash" YUKE (superpowers)!

                       We went from this                         to                  this  (now we were "uptown")

So the good news was that now we had a can opener attached to wall that couldn't be buried under stacks of National Geographic magazines, newspapers and the mountainous pile of debris conjured up daily by the 72 inmates who lived in our house. If you drove a small car into our living room it could get lost by the end of the day.
And now we could actually have tomato sauce in our "basketti" ("spaghetti" for all you people that don't speak "broken-12-year-old").

Android users: The Thing Song

Anyway, it was one of those days that the flip-had-switched in Ulrich's head and he decided he wanted to kill me for throwing up at Mass and bringing shame on our family or because I had grown a little and was just an inch shorter than him. I was short twelve-year-old and already catching Urich in height who was a 10th grader in High School.

Ulrich set a ambush and hid behind the cage of fouled-mouthed Mynah bird in the entry. When I came through the front door smelling like this mornings warm-oatmeal-and-sour/powered-milk-concoction-mixed with-bile the "dirty" bird squawked off a curse word  (not acceptable in a Catholic home by-the-way... purgatory was too good for this bird)... the monkey in the living room jumped and it scared the whits out of me and I flinched (remember my childhood PTSD) at the exact second Ulrich jumped out at me in surprise and caught my freaked out flying hand RIGHT IN THE CHOPS!  Yep, I had just busted Urich in the mouth...now I was really in for it. He had something more than just the usual beating in mind...A hamper (blog 6/5/13), an electrocution (blog 4/26/13), hung out a window, buried in a pit(blog 2/27/14), or perhaps smothered under a mattress, all I knew was that I had better run and run quick!  Ulrich had a broom in his hand and promised I was going to die.  What was Sister Edith's Prayer? Do I dare say it again? Have I over used it? Maybe I deserve this for what I did at Mass (last post)...Running... running... running for my life...oh well, here goes, "Dear Lord I love you, forgive me for my sins" Yep, it tasted like captain crunch tearing up the roof of my mouth.

Wrong turn into the kitchen! Trapped with  nowhere to go - for sure this was going to end in death.  GUESS WHAT I SAW?

You know what? I'll leave you in suspense until next time...and tell you exactly how I invented the "Reverse Mohawk" And I guess I should also tell you that it was a fad that did not catch on.  Oh well, If I have a moral for this part of the story - don't bring home boxes with thumping things inside and for "Pete's Sake" whatever you do - don't throw up at Mass all over the Priest!

Altar Boys: On Being Dahlin and Being Catholic

Being a Dahlin means being a lot of things.







It means letting the Monkeys out of the Zoo (post 4/29/13). It means being 10 and wrestling an alligator; it means being left behind because there are too many children for parents to keep track (5/13/2013).

It means hand-me-downs that become see through after years of wear and tear before the youngest boy (that's me) inherits them; 

It means pushing broken down cars from one side of the street to the other in the hectic chaos of street cleaning days, it means Milk Wars, it means having an attack rooster instead of a guard dog, it means taking in strays who become part of the family, it means fun and  frivolity.

It includes breeding mosquitoes, looking like you have leprosy, trips across country, running into the President of the United States, being buried in pits or covered in red ants, it means having your pants pulled off in a catholic convent, it means electrocution, pranks, "Templates," simulating UFO's, nearly burning down the Lennon's house and saving others.




It means robbing the Helms truck, passing gas (that's Dooh-Dooh pants) and lots of vomit (that was my superpower) and frequent visit from the Police.

It means tons of kids...

 

and tons of junk...

 ....tons of cars running and not, hot rods, and cruising Van Nuys Blvd.

It means surfing, lots of long hair, lots of friends and Mexican tomato plants.

Oh...and it also meant being cute... (I didn't say anything about being humble).

 Dad "Mr. D" 

  Karl 

 Kurt

 Erick

 Markie D 

...and Being a Dahlin also meant being Catholic.

Being a Catholic meant... Big families... i.e. Dahlins, Blasers, Lennons...etc etc...

....it meant, "Fish Stick Fridays"

...going to Catholic School...i.e. Saint Mark's grammar school in Venice

Being taught by Catholic Nuns...  Catholic nuns with funny names....

...Like Sister Godzilla

and Sister Shultz

It meant being related to a nun  - 

 It meant first holy communion

Dressing up as Saints for Halloween 

 (John the Baptist AKA Wolf Boy) 

...it meant playing in the schoolyard 

fighting in the schoolyard

being whacked with yardsticks by the nuns... 

Attending Mass on Sunday and serving as an ALTAR BOY!  

This is where it gets tricky!

Give a 12-year-old boy a cross, candles and the blunt object to hold against the throat of another 12-year-old (who is about to receive communion) ...NOW you have the recipe for disaster.

that story to follow