How NOT to light a gas furnace! Messy Humanity

Did you hear about the time two guys passed each other in the air? One was going up and the other was going down. The guy going down shouted, "Hey, do you know how to open a parachute?"

The other one said, "NO! Do you know how to light a gas stove?"

That silly joke reminds me of the first time I tried to light the furnace in the dining room of our drafty old house. I was really, really, really young (can't remember how old, to be exact - no more than 6 or 7 I would guess). I saw my mom and dad and older brothers do it a million times, so I figured that I knew exactly what to do.  It was cold, nobody was home -  so I took matters in my own hands. I, Markie D, would light the the gas radiator

 What you have to remember is that our house was built well over a hundred years ago. 2 x 4's were sometimes 2" by 4" - sometimes. Sometimes bigger, but always rough and nasty, not like today's smooth 2x4's that are inch and a half by three. By the time we bought the house in the mid-fifties (I wasn't born yet - BY THE WAY) it had begun to lean a bit to the left and the mortar between the bricks in foundation had lost its gripping power. The older boys had removed the bricks in spots and made forts under the elevated first floor. Cool right! This was the best ever for any kid with a sense of adventure. Anyway the foundation of our home looked like a crooked pirate smile that had missing teeth, When kids climbed in and out of black holes of missing bricks is looked like worms crawling in and out of one of those dead pirates in Pirates of the Caribbean. 

That's a picture when it still looked good  (minus all the kids).

 By this time, it was a sight! 

Anyway this house had no air conditioning (didn't need it next to the beach), but our heating (you know for the times it got down to freezing - like 50 degrees in the middle of cold winter nights) we had three gas radiator heaters. One on each floor. I was all alone one day and decided to light the furnace.

There I am later (maybe about 18ish), showing everyone that I really do know how to light a match. (look at the Cool 70's pants on my brother - Kurt). ANYWAY, I couldn't find any matches. So I did what I saw them do a million times. I went to the stove with a rolled up piece of newspaper. ONLY! Only, I turned the gas valve to the on position on the furnace -  THEN I went into the kitchen to light my piece of newspaper so that I could stick it inside the opening on the bottom of the gas radiator.  YEP, you guessed it. 

I had to go and turn on a burner on the big O'  restaurant grade stove, then come back, and insert the paper that was on fire into the little hole on the bottom. WHO THINKS MY FLAMING TORCH MADE IT ANYWHERE NEAR THE HOLE?   Well it didn't!  As I bent over and moved the flaming wand near the radiator it set off the accumulated gas like a bomb and BAM! KA-BOOOOOOOOOM It blew up in my face and shot me like a missile across the room - burning off all the hair on my face - eyebrows - eye lashes...arms...  Bummer, now I would have to go into first grade Bald-headed.  I wonder what the Nuns thought about that.

I know the art work is not that great, but I think you get the idea.

Here is the point of my blog. Life is hard, it's not always fair. THINGS GO WRONG and don't always turn out the way we expect them to (like letting the monkeys out of the zoo). We have to live in the middle of this mess called humanity, so we might as well laugh at ourselves, instead of taking things so serious. LAUGH, I find it is good medicine. 

Humans are crazy wired... full of imagination, intellect, creativity, and emotions. All of that DNA longs for connection, craves acceptance, and desires to love and be loved.

I have a story, probably very different from yours! But each and everyone of us is a walking history book... full of crazy, wild, wonderful, hard, hurt, pain, and memories that make up who we are. 

I figured if anyone had a chance of getting it right... (this brother-sister thing - you know, close relationships)  it should have been Cain and Abel. They were the first children of parents who had no parent issues... right? How could Adam and Eve (The first couple - the first parents not to have childhood wounds) mess up the next generation? 

Maybe it just goes to show you that messing up is in our genetic makeup. 

You are loved! Enjoy the ride!