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Showing posts with label Feast of the Epiphany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feast of the Epiphany. Show all posts

Friday, December 12, 2014

Grumpy Cat and the Christmas Lights

After Thanksgiving it is a tradition for "normal people" to put up Christmas lights. Though we lived in Venice, we had families on our block that liked to consider themselves on the fringe of normalcy and engaged in this annual yuletide ritual like the Blasers, the Nargies, the Tripps, and of course - the best Catholics in the world - the famous Lennon Sisters who lived across the street.


Mr Blaser, right next door, was a perfectionist and needed to have his strings of lights "high and tight."  They had to be perfectly straight and symmetrical... AND if you could believe it or not EVERY ONE of his light bulbs had to light up - or it was considered a high crime against the civil order of a 1st-World culture. (pictured above Tommy, Mrs Blaser and Grandpa).


(Pictured is Frank Nargie, the Mail Man). He and his wife Ida, spent an inordinate amount of time with their extensive "Annalee" doll collection and put up grandiose miniature city display inside their house that took up the entire living room).

 (Pictured Ida with collection)  


At this time of year Bob Lennon, the Vasquez family, and the Tripp family were busy with putting up Christmas lights as if they really didn't live in Venice, but were instead normal and  "All American"...like the families portrayed on TV: for example the Cleavers; Ozzie and Harriet; My Three Sons and Father Knows Best!
 (Pictured Leave it to Beaver)


 (Pictured Father Knows Best)


 (The Lennons - just look at 'em)

We, on the other hand, were completely out of the range of what normal Americana looked like!


 
 (Our front yard with the Lennon house in background)


 (Our Backyard: clearing bamboo for more marijuana plants )


(Even a trip to Kings River was a mob event - 17 of us pictured here). 

 (In the street...) our cars and bare feet.


 (At Tuna Canyon in Malibu) 


 Somewhere


  our house

The normal people at the corner - their house 



 



The Normal People in their backyard




             On the other hand - there was us. 

 While the Blasers had a new Lincoln Continental parked in their driveway, here is a couple pictures of our driveway 


...everything at our house was an event. Nothing just happened that was normal or in the way that regular people did things. Everything was a gang activity that eventually included water balloons, BB guns, ropes, makeshift straight-jackets, that eventually turned into a dog fight... and if you were lucky - it didn't include Electricity or a Water hose and a Pit.


Everybody knows that it is absolutely mandatory for all Catholics to leave their Christmas lights up until the Feast of the Epiphany on January 6th - the time we celebrate the visitation of the wise men. HOWEVER...if we finally got around to taking our Christmas lights down- it was usually late summer and about a month before we had to put them back up again...the big advantage was when we didn't take them down at all. 

Now that the guys were older, they were all too busy pruning the "Mexican Tomato Plants," harvesting the buds and hanging out in the hippy hutch in the backyard to be of any help in doing anything constructive.  





ONCE AGAIN the arduous task of putting up the annual lights would probably be incumbent upon me and Pinky...  (Pinky shown to the Left).












...sometimes I could get Karin (my little sister) to help, but she was 9 and didn't know how to tie a square knot - which was absolutely essential to success of this enterprise.







Today, besides what they were smoking out back, the greatest stumbling block to get any of my hippie brothers to help -  was due to the spontaneous fiasco that was taking place in the dining room when a member of the illustrious Wolf Pack clan discovered that  Lazarus "the Miracle Cat" (gag me) had brought a rat into the house and began to play with it...


The Disgusting Cat would let the poor rodent go and as it raced across the room for freedom and the scaly feline would pounce on it and bring it back to the starting point. Each time, Lazarus the cat would let the rat get further before the eventual pounce.

  This cat and mouse affair brought all of the hippies into the house which incited a wild betting frenzy.

Betting on the fate of this besieged rat turned out to be of more importance than helping little brother with the annual duty of putting up the Christmas lights.  RIGHT!?

I could hear them below hollering, screaming, some cheering on the rat others the cat... meanwhile some of us had more important things to do then to be wasting time betting on the life a rat.

I always voted for the underdog, so I was hoping the rat would eventually make its escape. Downstairs where all the revelry was taking place in our Mutant Zoo:  Johnny, the pigeon, was flying overhead, the spider monkey played with itself as it watched from the high wainscoting, and the foul mouthed Mynah-bird cussed at the boys for being locked up in its cage in the entry.

Grumpy is not even the word to describe the cat's disposition after losing the rat. With claws fully extended, the Grumpy Cat was downright fit to be tied and began throwing himself at the hippies in a tantrum.



I laughed! They deserved it!

I didn't think any of them heard me laugh. I had experienced the consequences of their wrath too many times to know that it wasn't a good idea - and tried to bottle up my secret jubilation inside.

I thought I had gotten away with it...but...little did I know that the older boys had retreated to the hippie-hut out back, the dark ivy cave we called Wall Drug, and began conspiring.  

Meanwhile, in order to begin putting up our Christmas lights meant that I had to face three of my greatest fears...





One of those had to do with the rope I threw over my shoulder that I was going to use to pull up the strands of lights to the tippy-top of the house...

To be continued...


Monday, January 6, 2014

Post Christmas Stress Disorder and the Drummer Boy

Sorry about the delay on this last one - it has been crazy around here during this busy holiday season.

As Spiderman I had to use my superpowers to save the Dahlins from themselves at another typical Harding avenue Christmas. However, I found that my good deeds were soon discovered which bore the full wrath of the Wolf Pack.

Little did I know what trickery was happening behind my back that would eventually add to the early onset of my pre-pubescent Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD referred to by some as PSSD < more about that later.


Today happens to be the "Feast of the Epiphany" ...to us Catholics, this is a big deal!


Epiphany (Koine Greek: ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, "manifestation", "striking appearance") or Theophany (Ancient Greek (ἡ) Θεοφάνεια, Theophaneia meaning "vision of God"), which traditionally falls on January 6, is a Christian feast day that celebrates the revelation of  God the Son as a human being in Jesus Christ.
 


The tradition we had in our family was to leave our dying two-dollar Christmas tree up, until at least January 6th every year so we could sing happy birthday to baby Jesus - believing that this was when the Wise Guys (the three dudes on camels had arrived from the orient) to present baby Jesus with kingly gifts.

 
Sometimes mom even had a present for each one of us to unwrap on that special "Holy Day of Obligation." 

It just meant more mayhem, more chaos, more wrapping paper and more stuff to get lost...and more opportunities for the Wolf Pack to turn me into a psychotic mess with their psychological warfare. 

Let me take you back two weeks to Christmas when my brothers, acting like Wolves, begun attacking the presents as if ravaging a dead caribou.




Christmas 2:00 am:  After we found Kjersten who had been buried under four feet of Christmas wrapping paper (the story of the emerging hand that scared the cheese out of Dooh-Dooh Pants and almost made Pinky suffer a heart attack who had collapsed and smashed a perfectly good recliner into smithereens blog post Dec 25, 2013) I needed to spring into action.

I felt for sorry mom's devastated plans and dad's demolished second-hand-chair and the collateral damage of our fallen "Charlie Brown Tree"and the subsequent damaged and lost presents.

The older boys had made fun of me, because I liked to help mom and dad around the house. For some reason I was embarrassed by the mountains of dirty dishes and by the hurricane of scattered debris in the wake of the uncaring peace-loving hippies who cared only about the "Mexican Tomato Plants" in the backyard. The junk, the trash, the boxes, the clutter, the car parts - though they professed love for mother earth and hugged lots of trees, none of the stuff that mattered to my parents seemed to matter to them.

I tried the best I could to help.  I really did...and I think mom and dad really appreciated it...only this made the older boys and Matilda (Queen of the World) even meaner. The Wolf Pack would call me names and say things like.."Oh, Markie you'll make someone a good wife some day." Hahahahaha they would laugh, taunting me mercilessly.  I have to admit, it was awful and it did hurt (no matter what the whole "sticks and stones" ditty tried to say about how name calling doesn't hurt). So I  pretended the best I could that none of their spiteful teasing bothered me.

In our house, Emotionless-Swedish-Stoicism ruled the day. You dare not show any signs of weakness or you would become the wounded caribou for the next terrifying feast of the blood thirsty Wolf Pack .

After the Kjersten episode - I slowly, carefully, and methodically sneaked around the crammed living room that had been carelessly piled high in shards of wrapping paper. Over the years, we had lost a little sister...thrown out a dog along with hundreds of presents and I didn't want that to happen. To throw away presents was not only like throwing away money...but it was also an insult to the gift giver. My parents were depression-era kids who didn't want to throw anything away and so this was a big deal to them.

I was determined to use my super powers to help mom and dad.  With my "Spider senses" on high alert, I moved about the room stealthy and removed one piece of  torn paper at a time.  I had cleverly placed empty Market Basket shopping bags strategically out-of-the-way around the outskirts of the living room. Bit by bit I picked up scraps and secretly shoved them into the brown grocery sacks.

Over and over and over...bit by bit...piece by piece... I threw trash away - trying not to bring attention to myself as if cleaning up after the ravages of a hurricane.  It was a daunting and endless task - yet, the mountain of discarded wrapping paper grew at a rate faster than my rate of progress.

Ulrich lifted his hand once to catch a flying present and I dropped and took cover. It seems that - making me flinch was one of his favorite things to do.  If anyone within a five foot radius of me raised a hand suddenly, I usually flinched and covered my head (that had become a pretty embarrassing habit at school). Anyway, mom had put on the Lennon Sisters new album on the Hi-Fi stereo and the added noise helped to conceal my efforts to restore order.  Over and over I picked up trash trying to liberate lost toys and presents and baby sisters and dogs, but pile never got smaller. 

Harder and harder I worked.
Higher and higher the pile grew.
 The Lennon Sisters were singing the "Ode to Billy Joe"   I don't know what the song was about, but I felt about as frustrated as O' Billy Joe McCallister.

The Lennon Sisters sang... the boys tossed presents around the room, tore off the paper and threw the wrapping in the middle of the room with the cockeyed Christmas tree and the flattened recliner-chair.

Laughter
Paper
Paper
Laughter

Over and over.

I tried to use my superpowers to please my parents, but my Spider-senses tingled and told me something was dreadfully wrong - there was a uncomfortable lull - a disturbing silence like the calm before a storm. I looked up from the formidable task at hand only to find 15 sets of eyeballs staring directly at me as though I had been a lab rat trapped in one of their cruel experiments.

Laughter
More this time...
Unbeknownst to me, they had been systematically pulling the very same trash (that I had been relentlessly stuffing in the bags) out of the bags and throwing the trash back into the middle of the room - when I wasn't looking.

Again, the runt of the litter, became the brunt of this particular Christmas Wolf-Pack torment.  I didn't understand it, but quietly slipped away and took my new "Rat-Fink" ring and placed it at the foot of the manger...believing I was there with the wise men as the drummer-boy, paying my homage to the new born KING!  

Bing Crosby and David Bowie Drummer Boy


Oh, yeah PSSD is Post Sixties Stress Disorder.  It was 1968 and I was hoping to make it out of the Sixties alive!


 Android users click here for Ode to Billy Joe

"Mama hollered out the back door "y'all remember to wipe your feet"
And then she said "I got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge"
"Today Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
'n' Papa said to Mama as he passed around the blackeyed peas
"Well Billy Joe never had a lick of sense, pass the biscuits, please" 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Silent Night - Geeze-Louise! Who Came Up with That?

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Savior is born
                                                        Christ, the Savior is born... SCREeeeeeeeeeeeEEECH! 
 
WAIT A MINUTE..pull the needle off the record player... "Silent night?"...Who came up with that? Yeah, everything could have been bright, but calm? Come on, I know I'm only 12, but I'm not stupid enough to buy that!  
 
About 6 months ago, Tommy and I were around the corner and this hippie couple were having a baby at home. Let me tell you - (after that experience - I don't recommend it), there was nothing silent night or calm about it.  The lady was screaming and the long-haired-hippie husband ran around like he was being attacked by our Veloci-Rooster.  He was shouting out for us to boil hot water and was frantically getting newspaper and towels and she was laying on the ground holding on to a door handle - grunting and pushing with her face turning red.  He was hysterical and ironically begging her (in hippie speak) to be calm...!  
 
"Like, mellow out, man."  "Don't be sweating it, you know...it's all right." "Think of flowers and peace and love...man"  and other stupid stuff like "far out and out of sight"
 
This really bugged me. Firstm he calling his wife "man." Second, he's telling her not to sweat it and all his psychedelic-groovy talk didn't help much - (this was no easy thing and she was sweating it big time). 
 
The baby started coming out and she began freaking out and then screaming and then he tried to calm her more and then she turned on him and said that this was all his fault - and then took one hand off the door handle - and them swung and knocked the hippie dude to the floor, and then she began yelling at him for being on the floor and then said she needed him. 
 
Then the big sissy began crying because he was watching a  miracle unfold before his eyes... I don't know if he was smoking that hippie herbal stuff - like my brothers grow in the backyard...but, like the dude was totally out of it and me and my 9-year-old friend practically delivered the baby ourselves. 

YUCK...there was water and some blood and like this gross extension cord thing and it was wrapped around the babies neck. The baby was blue and the mom was scared and I had to get the dead-beat hippie-dad to do something. Finally, after I knocked some sense into him, he unwound that cord thingy and the baby turned pink and then he spanked the baby in the bottom like we see doctors do on TV and the baby started crying... and everyone was happy and started crying again.

"Sheeze-Louise," there was nothing silent about this thing and there was nothing calm about this baby's birth...either. Everyone was nervous and on edge. It was messy and it was loud!
 
As I sit here and look at my Nativity set,  I can only imagine what it might have been like a couple thousand years ago in a barn...with cows mooing... and angels making a raucous overhead and shepherds and sheep... and all the other pieces that gathered on that blessed occasion that are part of our family's nativity set.

Now listen, I'm not saying it wasn't a "holy and glorious night" but it probably was not like the romantic notion of a "hallmark" moment in the song  "Silent Night."
 
I only have 50 cents to my name for mowing Frank Nargie's lawn, but if I had to bet... I would bet it all! Yep, I would bet all 50 cents that it was anything other than a quiet peaceful night when two frightened parents...real people were having a real baby in the worse circumstances possible.   
I know there was this whole "God-thing" going on...but these were real people having a real baby.  I'm sure they were concern about germs and about that cord thingy.. don't tell my Catholic friends, but Mary was likely going through a lot of pain like every other mother... and Joseph was probably concerned like every other "Father-type" person.  After a long journey...weary from traveling while pregnant and exhausted, she might not has had the resolve NOT to scream at Joseph - most likely she was acutely in-touch with her pain and emotions as any real lady having a baby would be.  There was no family, no help, the nervous dad-to-be was probably freaked out.  The baby probably came with a lot of pain and Joseph probably spanked the new born Jesus (just like hey do in the Western movies on TV) and thankfully baby Jesus started crying.

"No crying he makes"  Who came up with that nonsense?  Of course he cried, and the parents wanted him to. Add to that - cows...mooing... and angels singing... and shepherds visiting... then along comes a drummer boy playing his drum and the "Wise guys" who are on the way... this certainly doesn't add up to quiet night at all - bet my 50 cents.

It was real! God came in human flesh...wholly and fully human in every way. This is what makes the story so Amazing! God become human... with human feelings and human desires...having to feel pain and temptation just like us. It is the humanity part of who He that gave him the capacity to wholly identifies with us and it is the humanity part of His God-appearing in human form that gives credence to His perfect obedience. As God we would expect nothing - but perfect obedience...DUH! Hello? But, as fully man...He had to struggle with pain and food and hunger and sleep and prejudice and temptation and mistreatment and false accusations...and not give in to hate and pride and payback and His own selfish desires. 

In His humanity, he didn't want to go to the cross! Sister Edith (you know the Nun with the "head-tones"), told us the part of the Bible where Jesus prayed and said something like 'Father, I don't want to do it... is there anyway that I don't have to go and suffer on the cross - I don't look forward to having to suffer that much pain...and endure that much humiliation...but Father I will trust you instead...and be obedient to your will!" Wow... that was some pretty heavy stuff.  Can't say that I get it all, but let's not take away His humanity (or Mary's of Joseph's) from the Story - That's what makes it so great!

Noisy night, holy night
craziness, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and loud 
Please won't you sleep
Please won't you sleep

Noisy night, scarey night
Mary screams, Joseph freaks
Two real people, trying to figure it out
afraid until they see His face
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "


Noisy night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ,a real baby is born 
Christ, the Savior is born. 

There! I fixed the song... this is more like it - bet my 50 cents!

Meanwhile the Wise Men are on the way, which we'll celebrate in a couple days on January 6th - in what we call the "Feast of the Epiphany."  In the mean time I might have to share with you the wrapping paper debacle that continued from this Christmas morning for many more years to come, which added to my PTSD.


Oh, and here are my neighbors (the Lennon Sisters) singing "Silent Night"  (I told them, that although I had delivered a baby, that it was okay for them to sing it this way) and so they did!


The origin of the Christmas carol we know as Silent Night was a poem that was written in 1816 by an Austrian priest called Joseph Mohr. On Christmas Eve in 1818 in the small alpine village called Oberndorf it is reputed that the organ at St. Nicholas Church had broken. Joseph Mohr gave the poem of Silent Night (Stille Nacht) to his friend Franz Xavier Gruber and the melody for Silent Night was composed with this in mind. The music to Silent Night was therefore intended for a guitar and the simple score was finished in time for Midnight Mass. Silent Night is the most famous Christmas carol of all time!