Gillemonster and His Dog-Poop Alibi

(Continued from 1/25/14) Chewbacca knelt over the dead body as tears lightly fell on the seared flesh that smell of burnt hair.  Crying, he mourned the loss of his friend.

Let's come back to the fatality left behind by the Great Fire of '69 and turn back to our list of possible arson suspects.

Out of the 16 or 17 on my original list, I have narrowed the suspects to a mere four:

1) Rita Nargie
2) Sea-Shell
3) Anti-War, Draft-card-burning, peace-loving hippies
4) The Owner

RITA HAD MOTIVE. She had been rejected by one of the "Frat - guys" and was holding a grudge. When my brothers and crew went down to the "Frat-House" in drag (dressed as women) and two were invited in - it only served to intensify her female hormonal angst against every man in the world. From the kitchen window of her house next door, she was allegedly heard screaming at the top of her Italian lungs that she would get even someday.  Unfortunately for Rita, the entire neighborhood heard her threats and this is why I felt she needed to be investigated. It does turn out that she had not come out of her room for more than a month, which I was able to verify by the dirty stack of surplus dinner plates left just outside her bedroom door.  Her mother had been in no mood to clean up after Rita, which the neighborhood also knew about.

I refer to that incident as "The Leaning Tower of  Stand-off Soufflé"   
 So Rita went off the list and the fire somehow brought closure to all the hurts she had suffered and had seemed to exact the vengeance she was looking for and the next week at church it was mentioned from the pulpit by the droning-monotone Irish accent of  Father Hoban as a miracle.  One lady said, "Hallelujah" and was promptly asked to leave the church.

I'm am now left with 1)  Sea-Shell, the 11 year-old-sister of the Frat-House President who had been
                                      dropped on her head.
                               2)  Hippies - other than my brothers
                               3)  Mr. Malon, the owner of the Property.

As for Johnny the Gillemonster...as I mentioned before he had motive!  He was a paperboy for the our local Herald Examiner newspaper. His route included the Harding Avenue Fraternity House. You can only imagine what a nightmare it must have been for the poor kid to collect the Newspaper fee from a bunch of transient squirrely irresponsible college-dropout types!  Every time Gillemonster knocked on the door, a different person answered and told him to come back tomorrow. After about 10 such visits 'O Gilly figured that they were running him around and that no one was ever going to pay.  He turned bright red and shook his fist at that house and said he's get payback. "You just wait and see!"  he yelled and spun dirt on the porch  from the back wheel of his customized Schwinn Sting-Ray (bicycle) as he spun out.  (Every kid in America had a Stingray bike).

Remember I told you about the lyrics that Four Eyes sent in to Creedence Clearwater Revival... about Do..do...do... looking out my back door... and all the other words the nuns told me when I interrogated them... well it wasn't "do...do...do"  It was literally "Dooh...Dooh...Dooh!"

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lookin' out my Back Door

Johnny was so angry at feeling like he had been messed with... that he took the largest... stinkiest... warmest... pile of fresh-steaming dog dooh he could find early the next Sunday morning on a neighbors lawn and squished it between the sports section and the comics of the 50 pound Sunday Morning edition of the Los Angeles Herald Examiner.  "Gilly" left that "special" payback edition of the newspaper right on the welcome mat in front of the large entry door. He rang the bell, ran across the street, hid in a bush and watched in delight as those drunkards with hangover vomited their guts out.  Gillemonster told me, that was his alibi and as he spoke I carefully watch every indicator on his face and really believe that the Dog-Poop completely satisfied his desire for payback.  TRUE!

I would never accuse a Catholic Priest - that's why Father Hoban never made it on my list to begin with, but he was known to have quite a temper - and being raised in Belfast had plenty of training in making Molotov Cocktails.

Let's just leave it at that - for now!  I was too frightened about going into the Rectory so I wasn't about to interrogate the Father... I'd leave that investigation to the Fire Marshal.

I already had enough problems at Saint Marks and next year - my last and final year - was destined to be a living Purgatory, for I had to look forward to spending the year under Sister Shultz.

Meanwhile, the mellow and cuddly Chewbacca grieved over the death of the neighborhood cat as though the thing had been a close relative of his.  Before the fire, I'd have to admit, that the feral Calico cat did look like a miniature version of my hairy older brother.  My brother looked like a giant version of Cousin It  from the Addams Family TV Show.

In the midst of smoke and firemen and ambulances and Secret Service and the Crazy Vietnam War vet with a broom and the Zombie Holocaust, Chewbacca scooped the dead cat into a cardboard box and took it past the dreaded Veloci-Rooster into the the hippie sanctuary of "Wall Drug" in our Venice backyard.  If you think the Rita-thing was a miracle - wait until next time.

The Nuns Claimed They Had an Alibi

The Great Disaster of 1969...continued from last post!

The last time I didn't have the Nuns or the Daniels on the suspect list for the tragic fire on Harding Ave. I would venture a guess that living directly behind the "Frat-House," would automatically put both of them my long list of possible suspects. 

1) My tribe...the Wolf Pack
2) Mr. Blaser
3) Mr. D (that's my dad)
4) Mr. Lennon
5) Frank Nargie
6) Rita Nargie
7) Sea-Shell
8) Leeland
9) Weenie Tripp
10) Johnny Gillemot
11 Tommy Blaser
12) Four boys dressed as girls
13) The Nuns at Saint Marks who lived just behind the house.
14) Walter Daniels 
15) Crazy, Anti-War, Peace-loving members from a real Fraternity

 and NUMBER 16 was "The Conspiracy Theory" - not a man on the grassy knoll, but...
 16) The Owner of the property - himself.

At first when I heard the sound of explosions and saw the black smoke of car tires that had caught on Fire, I thought the Nunnery was burning (the Nunnery is the Saint Marks Convent where the Sisters lived - sort of like a Monastery). I spent the night next door at the Blaser's house in Tommy's "way groovy" two-story fort with the sleeping-loft and asphalt shingle roof.  Screaming like a firetruck - I hopped over the fence into my backyard - avoided the Veloci-Rooster and began ringing the old rusted fire bell in order to awaken the neighborhood (the same fire alarm, procured by spurious means, which had been screwed to the back porch of our home that my mom used to call the Wolf  Pack in for feeding time). 

It was in the middle of the night and I guess it was good thing I did clang that bell, because the burning house was full of motley college "want-a-be's" who were trapped inside.

Someone threw a fire bomb through the large front window of the ancient house and it went up like a dry box of matches. The fire quickly spread up the grand staircase in the entry, cutting off the only means of escape for those caught on the second story.

A week later, as the house laid waste in a pile of burnt rubble and the neighborhood still smelled of smoke...I took my detective notepad and paid the Nuns a visit! To tell you the truth, I really hoped it was one of the Catholic Sisters, because they were mean to me...and I had a secret desire that at least one of them would end up in prison.

By the time I got to the 3th grade, and the 4th grade, and the 5th grade, and the 7th grade, they already had 7 Dahlins come through their classrooms giving the nuns so much grief that they felt it was time for payback... AGAINST ME!

They especially felt justified because of my special condition, lack of focus, and what they called "hyper-activity." I had always thought it was a superpower until I heard them talking about it behind my back. That might help explain the whole "Cloak-Room thing" I did behind Sister Edith's back (See blog post 9/2/13)

I guess I really shouldn't have blamed them, and later went to confession telling Father Sheldon of my secret sin. Only after 32 "Our Father's," 63 "Hail Mary's" and a couple dozen "Confiteors" the guilt of my sin was finally absolved. I wanted a letter from the Pope, but that never came. 

But still, if it had been Sister Godzilla who lit the fire - I might have turned her in.

The Nuns probably had the greatest motive of anyone on the list: Loud partying, carousing, cursing, drinking, drugs, girls and boys living together in sin...every single night - practically right there on their backdoor steps.

A quick slip out the backdoor - and bam - one of the penguin clad nuns under the darkness of night could start the fire and slip back in practically unnoticed.

Upon investigative inquiry by interrogating the nuns... one by one they corroborated each others testimony and had an iron clad alibi. Turns out, that none of the Catholic Sisters had any knowledge of how to make an incendiary device of this kind and other than communion wine - had no access to the specific type of alcohol for the creation of a Molotov Cocktail. Sister Godzilla did tell me in private that if she knew how to make one, the "Fraternity house" would have been gone long ago (I'm sure that will take some "Our Father's and Hail Mary's"). 

 Shucks, they were my best suspects and were now off the list.

Although they lived right behind the "Frat-House," Walter and his family dropped off the list - because he liked to party there on occasion and would have done anything to, "keep it all copacetic...man"

When I told told Four-Eyes about the things the nuns said which I wrote down on my little pad...he said he thought it might make some good song lyrics. I thought he was crazy. He typed them up and sent them to a Mr. John Fogerty of some hippie group called Creedence Clearwater Revival. I told him he was stupid and those words would never make it into a song - Not Ever!

The Nuns talked about how every time they looked out their backdoor they saw strange, bizarre and weird stuff that looked like giants doing cartwheels late at night - they saw things that looked like statues wearing High Heels (I think that may have been my brothers dressed up like girls trying to get in) and of course happy creatures dancing on the lawn (that part was true).

This is what Four Eyes scripted...   
"Doo, doo, doo, Looking out my back door.
There's a giant doing cartwheels,
A statue wearing high heels.
Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn... " and some other nonsensical stuff like that.

The doo-doo part was compliments of Johnny Gillemonster...

I will have to tell you that story of intrigue and dog-poop that would eventually clear his name from the list below.
 

1) My tribe...the Wolf Pack

2) Mr. Blaser

3) Mr. D (that's my dad)

4) Mr. Lennon

5) Frank Nargie

6) Rita Nargie

7) Sea-Shell

8) Leeland

9) Weenie Tripp

10) Johnny Gillemot

11 Tommy Blaser

12) Four boys dressed as girls

13) The Nuns at Saint Marks who lived just behind the house.

14) Walter Daniels 

15) Crazy, Anti-War, Peace-loving members from an opposing Fraternity

16) The Owner of the property.

In the mean time- everyone's name needs to be cleared, since I was running the investigation and I guess I'll have to tell you about the details of the gruesome 4-alarm fire...the daring rescue and how a a pair of underwear i.e. whitie-tighties help clear one suspect from the list.

Until next time...  sleep safe... say your prayers and.... vet att du är älskad

                                                                                     
Android users Lookin' out my backdoor